A Hell of a Dream

Here's the thing:

I woke up this morning, dreaming about getting a phone call from one of the companies I've applied to for various positions. In it, I answer my phone in a groggy voice (I just woke up after all) and the woman on the other end asks me if I'm all right. I quickly say yes, not wanting the "all powerful HR person" to even suspect that something might be wrong with me ('does the morning daze in her voice mean she's not an excellent communicator?' 'DENIED!'). She precedes to tell me about an opportunity that just became available this morning, or late last night, who knows (oh wait, I do, because I stay on job boards like junior brokers stay on stock prices). Anyway, all of a sudden, I'm sitting up in bed and my laptop has magically appeared in my lap - turned on with the company's career website on the screen. As I read the two year internship (?) description, she tells me that it's actually a fellowship with McKinsey - the consulting firm - so I have to apply through that job board. She then tells me this is a really excellent opportunity and to name a salary. I panic. I can't make a decision on the spot. What if I say something too high and they automatically take me out of the applicant pool? Or what if I say something too low and I'm offered the job, but not able to take it because my salary isn't even enough for relocation and housing expenses?!!! I hurriedly ask her if it's o.k. to call her back with an answer in 10 minutes. She hesitantly agrees. I hang up (in the dream). I get up (in reality) and frantically look for my cell phone. Did someone really call? Why is a media company doing a fellowship with McKinsey? How did my computer end up in my lap? Should I get on it right away to look for that posting? Or should I brush my teeth first, to get rid of that morning breath? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!

I'll skip the remaining details of my early morning freak-out. Just know that it involved many self admonitions and regrets about my choice of college major :o (

The truth is: I've been so stressed out about landing a decent paying job with health insurance that I haven't taken the time to evaluate what's really important to me. So, today i'm going to do that. I'm going to go back to the Excel spreadsheet that I created a year ago that outlines the goals I set for the next ten years of my life. Maybe then I'll regain the sense of direction that I seem to have lost around cover letter #573...Until then.

~The (Slightly Frazzled, Still Aspiring) Media Maven*

p.s. The Interview Blitz is still on! Read my next post to find out why it's more important now than ever.